Do we pay enough attention to our heart wishes?

I´ve arrived in a new time zone, at a new level in my life. 

And I have to say this is exciting and relaxing at the same time.

I wish I could tell the exact time when it happened. But, as usual, everything works into each other, a lot of small pieces create the big picture at the end. And, of course, this is not the the end and for sure the big picture is not revealed yet. It´s a journey, a steady progress. 
Though at the moment I am pretty happy with the momentary stage of my life. 

The most significant change I witness is how slowly I walk through life at the moment. Literally walking in a much slower pace wherever I go. And it is not because before I had to rush from one place to another. I hardly had an exact appointment where I have to be somewhere right on time. And jet I was walking unvoluntary fast and determined, even when I just took a walk. Even with no specific place to be and for sure no appointment to keep. It even annoyed me when - for example - the harbour promenade, my almost daily route, was crowded and people slowed my pace by simply not looking after one another, by not making space for others who want to pass. I also remember sitting on the bus being kind of stressed when something stopped or delayed the ride. Again, when I had no appointment to rush to, simply by - lets say - heading to Valletta for a stroll on my day off. 

Why is that so?

I guess I felt rushed most of the time.

Which is just ridiculous because I am probably the person with the less obligations in life!

Beside work and a few meetings with friends I don´t have any appointments or obligations. Nothing to run to, nothing to take care of or to complete - except I want it to do be done.

Now, and this is something I really know when it had begun, namely when I came back from Vienna, I don´t hurry anymore in everything I do. I don´t feel stressed or rushed. I walk slowly and on busses I just enjoy the ride till it is over ...

Another thing I witness since I came back from my trip to Vienna is: 

Usually I use ear plugs when I am in my apartment. Walls are very thin in Malta. Me, the Highly Sensitive Person, hear everything around me. The slamming of doors annoys and stresses me, people having loud phone calls or fights with their spouses distract me enormous and when my neighbours above me are cleaning their apartment I exactly know what they are doing where. 

That´s why I am using ear plugs, simply to not live in other people´s lives ... 

At the moment I regularly feel the urge to take those ear plugs out because I don´t want to be excluded from life around me anymore. 

So definitely something has changed tremendously.

The good thing is that I am able to pull all those strings together. Which is a thrilling thing to do by itself!

Because there are so many strings.

So many facts were leading to where I am right now. Small and big ones. Facts, which didn´t even seem very important at the time. Seemingly random situations, talks or thoughts from sometimes years ago are now fitting into the whole picture and all of the sudden make sense now that I was presented by the - temporarily - result. 

And there is one huge fact I am not able to stop mulling over at the moment:

What came first?
The plan or the heart wish? 

Are the heart wishes the starting point of what has to happen?

or

Is there a plan first and the heart wishes were implemented to show us the importance of it?

Let me ask the same questions based on a specific example:

What came first?

Did it start with my absolute heart wish to leave Austria and to live in the South, in endless summer, at the sea and then things started to happen for this heart wish to come true?

or

Was I supposed to leave Austria for everything that had to happen afterward and therefore I was given this heart wish of living in the South, in endless summer, at the sea?

Currently I am tending to the plan was there first and our heart wishes are the motivation to get us going into the right direction.

Our heart wishes are the indicator of what is really important to us. 

And I am talking about THE REAL heart wishes ... not about:
"I want to be rich and famous."

I also do believe that holding on to our heart wishes is the confirmation for the energies above and / or the energies within ourselves to keep us stirring into the right direction.

Sometimes I had a heart wish in my life which just disappeared by itself a while later. Once very important to me it ended up simply not to matter anymore.

Or, on the other hand, there is one of my big heart wishes left, which I can´t get myself to actively hope for to come true.

Does that make any sense? 

It just feels too important and too huge for me. So I kind of fear it to come true. Because the risk of not being right for me or me being disappointed in the end is far to high.  

Looking back on my heart wishes which already came true I can figure out a pattern of how it works.

There is this wish I am burning for.

Something I dream about so intensely it already makes me happy to only dream about it. 

Sometimes I am so longing for it that it hurts.

That dream is so important to me that I am already "living" in that situation. I am able to close my eyes and transform myself into that situation I am so longing for. With all my senses I already want to be there ...

Though I am very impatient and I can´t wait for it to happen I also know it has to happen at the right time. I know I would ruin everything when I try to force it to come true. 

But then, when it is time to happen, it just happens.

Naturally and effortless. 

With me being totally aware that it is happening NOW. 

So no matter if the heart wishes are first or there is a plan first and the heart wishes support the outcome ... it is important to have heart wishes!

Do you know what you are burning for?

Is there something on your mind, small or big, which makes you shake in excitement when you think of it?

Something that let your eyes sparkle when you talk about it?

Something that provides a warm and cosy feeling whenever you think about it?

Treasure those heart wishes.

They are an important part of your journey. 

I have always been capable to name my heart wishes. 

And sometimes a new heart wish popped up - totally out of the blue.

For example:

I´ve booked a trip to Madeira back in 2012 which I was so excited about. Then I had the chance to go on a trip to Malta before that one. I didn´t have much expectations about my stay in Malta but it turned out so amazing that I ended up not wanting to go to Madeira anymore ...

Which was very sad.

So I bought a travel magazine about Madeira to get myself into the right mood again. I sat down, flicked through the magazine, watched the pictures over and over and read the articles to awake my excitement for the approaching trip. One article pulled me in in a surprising manner. It was about a guy who offered trips on his boat for dolphin and whale watching.  

I read that article over and over and couldn´t understand why it left me so exciting.

I have seen dolphins in the sea before when crossing over by hovercraft from Gran Canaria to Teneriffa back in 1990. They are beautiful, of course! But why was I so excited about what I was reading? I even told friends with a trembling voice and tears in my eyes that I might be able to see dolphins and maybe even whales in Madeira! 

Also: of course whales are magical living beings. But I didn´t know why the thought of me being able to see one with my own eyes leaves me trembling and excited like hell!

Well ...

I flew to Madeira and I booked a dolphin and whale watch trip (not with that particular guy from the article but there were many option to book such trips). The staff on the boat told me that they guarantee us seeing dolphins ... but "seeing a whale is like winning the lottery" ... 

We went out on that boat and all of a sudden we where surrounded by dolphins, which was amazing and magical.

Then we kept looking out for whales ... which I thought was arranged by the staff to keep us tourists excited. 

And it really happened!

I saw a huge sperm whale right in front of our boat. 

I will never forget that divine moment!

And I have to confess I heard a voice talking to me right when the whale was in eyesight. 

"Look! Look very carefully. There is the whale. It was about to happen. You were doubting it ... but there it is. Look at it! Miracles do happen!"

Miracles do happen.

This was the hint, the lesson, the message wrapped up in that heart wish ...

So again:

Do you pay enough attention to your burning heart wishes? 

I do.

And I am very grateful for that!

THANK YOU SO MUCH! 

A small gesture - or what? ... Or what!

 

On my day off I decided to head into nature - the picture above is a beautiful evidence of me really being there (not only thinking and changing my mind about it a couple of minutes later).

I went to one of the main bus stations in my area to catch the bus to Għajn Tuffieħa. 

All I´ve checked beforehand was the number of the bus route I would need to take, nothing else. On my day off I really love to head into the blue, no schedules, no time management, no stress. Because ... a main bus station in the morning with pleasant temperatures is already part of the adventure. So many different people, so many "stories", so many different moods. I don´t mind waiting at all.

Now, this particular bus station is located on a busy four-lane main road from and to Valletta, our capital city. So, a lot of traffic on a Wednesday at about 11:00 am.

Then ... the traffic lights just turned red and the pedestrians got ready for quickly crossing the road.

All of a sudden police sirens.

A police man on a motorcycle approached the zebra crossing in full speed. He signaled the pedestrians very clear that they can´t cross now. They had to wait. One car had already stopped at the right light. This driver was ordered to quickly drive on.

I already live in Malta long enough to know what would happen next:
a convoy of shiny, black expensive cars will rush through in a few seconds - followed by another police motorcylce with blue lights and sirens. Probably with little flags on the cars to show the high state visitor´s country of origin. 

And, of course, I was right about that ... except the little flags were European Union flags. 

Why do I tell you this story?

Because after the convoy had rushed through, something really amazing happened:

the police man on the first motorcycle, who had stopped to control the red light situation, was about to pick up speed again. While starting to drive away he turned around and thanked the people with a high raised arm!

And I LOVE him for that!

Actually it almost moved me to tears. 

This police man "only" did his job, right? It was his job to control traffic, vehicles and pedestrians, for high state visitors to pass through without any delay. It was his responsibility not only for the smooth ride of a high politican but most of all for the safety of people. He has done his job really well.
And yet he didn´t forget to thank people who were stopped because of the convoy. 

I don´t think this is part of his job description ... and that thought makes me love this situation and the police man even more!

I witnessed something similar a couple of years ago.

When entering Valletta there was an event going on in the old opera house. Right when I was about to walk pass the building one of these above said convoy was approaching. Our then president Ms Marie-Louise Coleiro Preca got out of one of the shiny black cars. Before quickly heading into the opera she also turned around and thanked all of the police men on their motorcyles. 
Again, a gesture I really LOVED back then.

These "small gestures" of kindness and of caring - for me something absolute huge! 
Those few seconds when a person is doing "more than necessary" just because he or she cares for others - witnessing those acts of love makes my day and those memories stay with me forever.

Now, can you imagine what happens, when those acts of love are happening directly toward me?

I call them my diamonds.

And they are shining brightly, even years and decades later.

Cause this feeling of being treaded out of pure kindness and caring means so much to me. It becomes even overwhelming when this gesture is coming from a stranger - without any intentions except to be kind to somebody / to me. 

Several times in my life I ended up hugging a stranger because what he / she did to me warmed my heart and my soul.

And even more often I went away afterward weeping like a little child because this feeling of connection and love overwhelmed me like an avalanche.  

Again, why am I telling you this?

Because I believe that exactly those gestures are the real connection of souls. It might be a fleeting moment, lasting just a finger snip long, but the impact it has on someone´s happiness can be immense!  

Forget all the money in the world, forget power and fame. 

A short moment which warms your heart is so much more worth than anything else!

Enjoy your diamonds.

Never fail to grant someone else a moment of happiness when the situation is coming up.

Never take it for granted when someone else is gifting you with his / her gesture of love!

And please ...

be grateful like hell when you are one of the lucky ones who are able to appreciate those diamonds!!

Thank you very much! 

Different Perspectives - Hell Yes!

 

My life recently took a turning point as I´ve mentioned already. And yet I am not able to detect when exactly this change began. Because the preperation for it, when I look at it very carefully, already is ongoing since years, not to say for decades.

At a fast glimpse I would say it happened last year in November / December. Yet, it also is the result of so many things I achieved in my life so far - not to say of all the things I brought with me from different lifes before. From another point of view I would say my healing process here in Malta is coming to and end - right on time ... celebrating my 10 year´s anniversary in November. And viewed from yet another angle I have to "blame it" on the fact that right now we are in intense times where changes are simply necessary.

One sector of preparation woud be the ongoing need of purifing and getting rid of everything that´s not serving me anymore. It started with reducing trash and stop using chemical products, took a turn to everything I spend my money for to what I am eating and drinking and went on to decluttering - physically and mentally. All of that was step by step preparing me to finally understand how important it is to find out who I am. 

Because to do so I needed a lot of space - free space.

I really thought I already have a lot of available space as I spend most of my free time by myself, doing exactly whatever I want to do, while at the same time I got rid of so much already. And still, when consciously starting this cleansing process I became aware of how often and how much I still was controlled and driven by the wrong values. How much I was acting and reacting out of the wrong reasons.

There was a breaking point when I found a quote on Facebook which hit home very hard. Funny thing is, that usually I safe all those amazing quotes, yet this quote I didn´t store and also I couldn´t find it anymore afterward. 

But it went something like:
"Please heal! So you can see the world without the filter of your trauma and your hurting." 

That quote triggered something deep inside of me.

Are there possibly different ways of seeing things? 

Is it worth to put effort into seeing things from different perspectives?

--- One thousand and sixty five percent! ---

For example:
One of my all time´s beliefs was: I am not attractive enough to be seen. 

Yep, self consciousness is not very high on my list of skills ...

Then, at one point, because I tried to figure out what my purpose in life is, I wanted to start spreading positivity simply by smiling at people. This is when I found out that whenever an attractive man walked towards me I never keep on looking at him. As soon as he would look into my direction I instinctively would turn my head. Call it shyness, call it insecurity, call it whatever you want, but please call it stupidity!

So watching this example from a different perspective I had to ask myself at one point: what would be the worst thing that could happen when I keep looking at him?

You know with what I came up in the end?

No, it´s not rejection.

It´s also not the fear of being mocked for looking like an idiot.

The worst that could happen is ... this attractive guy would show some interest and would start flirting with me. Because then I would have provoked something for which I need to leave my comfort zone and deal with it!

And that´s simply pathetic, isn´t it?

So I was grateful for this new perspective ... and I also started to smile at attractive men. Well, at least I try to whenever I feel brave enough to do so.

And you know what?
They smile back at me. Or at least they are not turning their head on me. And some of them even smile at me first!

So my belief - I am not attractive enough to be seen - was wrong all the time. 

I tell you something. The world is always like you see it!

There is no "negative" or "positive". It is always what you make out of it.

And that´s the good news.

Because it is your choice how you see the world.

Your choice - means you can choose to change your perspective. 

Great, no?

Try it if you don´t believe me. You might want to start with little things. But please try it. Just change your perspective on something and look what´s gonna happen next. 

When I put that new task on my agenda I had a couple of "aha-moments". The biggest aha-moment was when I figured out how little I really understand about the Big Plan, when yet I thought I am so enlightened already!

Bloody hell! There is still so much to find out!

Thank you very much!

My New Inner Freedom

 

Tonight I woke up and just felt peaceful. I even grabbed my mobile to record a voice message to not forget why I felt so peaceful.

For the first time in my life I do enjoy my solitude. Really enjoy it. Not because it´s my only chance, like it was for the last 15 years, but I am really fine with it.

Feeling this new inner peace, being calm and grateful for my life, for the first time not chasing or graving something.

I do love that! 

Did that come with age?

Maybe.

Though I am sure it happened because the pieces of life finally fit together. Lately I´ve received the messages from Universe so clear and direct. And ... I do recognize every single message about many different topics fitting together with other topics, which was not clear for me before.

I am talking about hose messages from Universe. 

So important for me. I hope everybody learn how to communicate with Universe, God, The Source, The Over All Energy ... or how ever you want to call our "Home". 

Those messages are coming over different channels: song lyrics, quotes, books, TV programs, sentences you hear (in the outside AND in the inside), billboards, etc., ... even nature is "talking" to me. 

Universe always finds a way to deliver the messages we need! The more open and on reception we are, the easier it is to receive those messages. 

When I started to make space, when I got rid of everything´s not serving me anymore, I also started to be in the flow - even more than before.

Without questioning feelings or thoughts I followed whatever came in. Small things. When I - for example - thought about taking an umbrella with me before leaving the house, no matter how my brain tried to convince me I would not need it, I took the umbrella with me. 

Planing of going somewhere but the feeling was not right about it, I changed my plans. Just like that.

We are guided in life. I didn´t know how much we actually are guided!

As soon as I was in that new flow it was so much easier to discover the most important things in life.

I received answers, I was waiting for so long. I learned lessons so important it blew my mind. And a new direction was manifesting in my life - almost without me doing anything about it.

By simply following my gut feeling and recognizing the messages behind everything.

At one point I felt so relaxed, calm and in peace I started to live my life differently. Without specific plans, without the force to do so. Just out of the flow.

I felt the urge to spread more positivity into the world.

Cause not only the world around me is way to negative or not caring, I also realized how negative my own thoughts still were. And I really wanted to change that. So I invested energy into that field.

I decluttered my mind from every negativity I could find.

I started to smile whenever I left the house. Not only directly at people but also for myself. One of the messages which got stuck with me was something I read somewhere: "Be aware of every step you make. Feel connected with Mother Earth with every step you take. Walk as you are connecting with your Mother."

Please try this! It´s an amazing feeling.

With that I also tried to smile with every step I took. Not only with my lips but also with my whole body, even with my liver, - as we were told to do in the movie "Eat, Pray, Love" with Julia Roberts. 

And I am feeling sensational! 

So, in a short time I had the time of my life by simply walking the streets. 

I am smiling with myself. I feel grateful and thankful for every part of the day. I smile at people, they smile back at me. Sometimes we even chat or joke for a while. I pet dogs and talk to the owner. Little children come walking toward me or wave at me from their pushchair.

At one point I became aware of spreading love without the intention to get love back for the very first time of my life. I am now caring and positive toward others without wanting something back. I just do it for my own benefit. Because it makes me feel so much better!

It´s a wonderful gift to receive a smile from strangers ... randomly without an intention behind it.

Miracles were happing in my everyday life ... without even big things happening at all. 

I was not in search of sensations anymore, because a sensation could appear behind every corner, every minute. 

With that I became even more peaceful, simply because I enjoyed life every minute.

Today I am happy with the "small things".

I love to sit on a bench at the harbour or in a park, having my cup of coffee and a croissant with me, reading in the sun. I love to spend my days off just bringing a book, my diary and my laptop and just starting the day, going wherever I want to go. Most of the time I don´t even enter a bus. I am happy with a stroll "into the blue". 

What I´ve learned from that was a very important lesson.

And yes, I should have learned that lesson long ago. Means, I theoretically knew about that lesson for a long time already. Yet I had to work through my own experiences to really figure it out for myself.

How I spend my day is MY decision.

How I react or feel about something is MY decision.

How I react on the behavior of others is MY decision.

Which impact the behavior of others has on me ... is MY decision. 

If my day becomes "sunny" or "dark" is MY decision.

I can´t change what others do. I can´t change most things happening in this world.

But I always can change which impact it has on me or how I am dealing with it!

I am to recognize my field of action and responsibility and do my part. 

That´s something huge! Don´t you think?

Finally accepting that into my life opened up such a wide spectrum of new possibilities. 

Thought I´ve drastically reduced my surroundings of my daily life I became so much richer!

And calmer.

And happier.

And more peaceful.

Thank you so much! 

Heading Home - A New Project

 

At one point during the pandemic I´ve reached out to a therapist. Not because I was so devastated but because I was afraid to loose my new found inner peace once we are allowed to get back to "normal life" again. 
Our introducing chat was the first and only chat we had ...

Though she supported me with two important answers, which I will forever treasure in my heart:

1. "I am sorry, I can´t help you ... (shock!) ... you are at a point in your life where I would like to see all of my clients one day." 

2. "I would like you to inspire others by talking about your experiences. I could see you writing a book or a blog. Share your experiences with the world!" 

I left this introducing chat with tears streaming down my face. This wonderful therapist did so much for me - without even scheduling therapy sessions with her. 

Telling me I am at a perfect point in life did the magic for me. Not because I felt like I am better than others - I am definitely not! - but because she indirectly told me I did well so far and I am on the right path.

Though the mindblowing thing was: She didn´t know anything about me, except what I was telling her in this interview. So how, for Heaven´s sake, was she able to nail it as she did? How did she know that writing was my passion since I was a teenager?

As writing a book is a really hard job and I am afraid I am not disciplined enough to get through with it, I focused on the writing I loved to do. Writing diary and journaling is something I do since I was 16 years old. Reflecting and mulling things through by myself in a written way always helps me getting a much clearer picture of the situation. Sometimes - at the best - I find my solutions during writing. Also by regular writing I detected patterns in my life which I was able to solve by simply being aware of them. The process of writing is incredibly exciting and helpful. 

It´s also something I´ve always been good at. I wish I could paint or draw roughly like that. Because sitting somewhere comfy and being creative is something I really love to do. It´s healing and it´s calming. But unfortunately those skills were not given to me. I best express myself through writing.

Writing down and sharing my experiences seems a logical conclusion, right?

Well, it´s harder than you think. Because in my journal I do not have to explain the background stories. When I reflect on my life I already know my whole background story. I know what has happened before that and what brought me to that point or into that situation I want to reflect on. 

So many facts would be important to tell the story right. Everything is connected, every detail plays an imporant role in what is going on. To know why I react, feel or think in a certain way somebody needs to know what made me do so. But that´s not possible. In fact that is exactly the reason why I struggle in my creative writing process ... because I get bogged down by trying to explain everything as accurate as possible.   

So, here is the thing.

I want to get something new started! I want to dig into a new way of sharing my experiences. I want to SHARE EXPERIENCES. Means, I want to interact with people. I would love to read about your experiences as well. I would love us to discuss topics. I would love to answer questions and ask questions. I want this to become an active space for all of us! I would love to communicate with you! 

Why?

Because I truely believe that an honest reflection on what is going on not only helps ourselves but can inspire others. We all learned from different sources, we all have a pool of information ready to our use. So why not sharing this with others?

Heading Home - is the title I chose for this new project.

In fact this already is the title of my blog on Facebook for quite a while. I would love to combine those two spaces. For spontaneous posts (on Facebook) and more detailed blogs (here on blogger.com). 

I would love to invite you to join and to support this new project. Please share your thoughts, ask questions, propose topics to reflect on ... and please do share this space with likeminded people who might be interested in a space like that.

So, what are you signing up to?

Heading Home - for a long time meant for me to learn my lessons, healing my traumas - to grow and to move forward - to head home to the place we were coming from. This place from where we´ve started our journey and to where we will come home once our mission is completed in this life.

But recently I discovered that Heading Home means so much more.

Are we not all searching for this feeling of being at home?

At home. Where we feel safe. Where we feel loved. Where we feel taken care of. Where we are allowed to be ourselves - with all our flaws and edges. 

Home can be a geographical place. It can be family, friends, our soulmate. But it also can be a state of mental freedom and happiness. 

So, Heading Home is not only this over all demand also called The Journey of Life. Heading Home is being in search of this "place" where we feel safe, loved, free and happy. 

Unconsciously I have been on that search for most of my life. It improved a lot when I got an idea of what I am searching for. Which means I had and I still have to ask many, many questions. Uncountable times I had to change directions and believes. 

My advantage from today´s point of view is what I´ve always thought is my biggest weakness: me being a Highly Sensitive Person. 

My real strength is what I was criticized most for: looking for answers inwardly instead of in the ouside, dealing with the real serious stuff by myself instead of reaching out for help.

My best tools in the shed are: always staying curious, backing myself up even when the whole world is laughing about me, being openminded and ready to get inspired from different directions. 

Right now I am at a very important turning point in my life. My persistence is paying off. I´ve gathered information from a huge pool of wisdom over the years and I still keep collecting wisdom from different sources. Right now I am not only recognizing the connections between it all I´ve also found out that the right information is always presented exactly at the right time, always in the right language we are able to understand best.  

That´s why this actual period in my life is so exciting. 

It changed from struggling to learn the important lessons to enjoying to receive the important messages for Life in a much pleasant way. Feeling supported and rewarded instead of challenged and examined.

And for it all there is only one right way to do it!

--- Do it your way! --- 

Be open for everything that comes your way. Get inspired by a lot. Sort through all the information you receive and choose wisely what suits you best. Learn to detect the lesson behind everything. Be grateful for it all. 

With that said I want to start my new project.

I would love to share my experiences with you.

I would love to hear back from you! Either here on blogger.com or over there on Facebook. 

In hope of inspiring you with my stories - inspire you to find your own way to Head Home.

In hope for you to inspire me with your stories.

Thank you!